Hello, Edward
by Musings of a Shaken Mind
Summary: If you were given six months to live, wouldn't you do whatever you could to make them the best of your life? Even if you were all alone? ExB. Complete.
1. Prologue: 27th September, 2064

**So, I know I've got other stuff to update... whatever. This story won't suffer from the same thing since I actually happen to have 80 percent of this written already. So hahaha. Please review. If you're a writer, you'll know how much they mean. If not, then... well, you're missing out. I'm telling you.**

**Dedicated to my dad.**

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**From: **EdwardMasen

**To: **CarlisleCullen ; EsmeCullen ; AliceBrandon ; JasperWhitlock ; RoseHale ; Gizzabearhug

**Subject:** Bella's Letters

_27th November, 2064_

* * *

Hello.

Before you say anything else, I am sorry. I am sorry I have not been around. I have not been fair to you. I know that I have not seen, or tried to make contact with any of you for half a century, and I am sorry. But this is important, so please read this email before going berserk at me.

You are all aware that my Bella died this day, fifty-five years ago. You know that this is why I have detatched myself from you. But this is more than just grief. I never did tell you how and why Bella died, for reasons that seemed logical to me at the time. She was killed by a terminal disease; by Leukaemia. She found out that she had it several months after I made the biggest mistake of my life, and died seven months later, not long after her nineteenth birthday. She died on the 27th November. I went back to Forks, with the intention of begging her forgiveness, just one week later.

Every day, I wonder. Every day, I beat myself up, wondering over what would have happened, had I returned to her sooner. I cannot help but blame myself. This is my burden.

When I went to Charlie's house, he gave me a stack of unopened letters, addressed to you and I. They were written by Bella, to all of you, in the months between her diagnosis and death. I apologise for not sending them sooner, but this will be the last contact I ever make with you, and I am afraid that Bella would be most upset, were you never to read them.

Carlisle - I have something for you. It is what I have been working on, these last years. It is my legacy, in a way. It is what I wish you to remember me by, and what has kept me fighting the desire to die this past fifty-five years. But I am finished, now; my work is finished. Enclosed is my formula. It is the formula for the drug that I have developed, which will cure most kinds of cancer. Testing will need to be arranged, but I must leave this to you now, Carlisle, because with every passing moment, my desire to survive wanes. I can not fight it. Remember me for this, and not for what I became in the months after leaving Bella.

I am sorry. By the time you read this letter, I will be in Italy, and reunited with my Bella. Please, do not try to stop me. This will be my peace. Let me have my peace.

I love you, all of you. Thank you for being my family, and for supporting me.

Your son and brother,

Edward Anthony Masen Cullen.


	2. 1: 4th May, 2009

**Wow, thanks for all the reviews! I wasn't expecting so many; the prologue wasn't exactly long, or anything. Some more information about this story: it will be entirely in the form of Bella's letters as she fights her way through chemotherapy and towards the inevitable. Some of these are quite difficult for me to write, and so are shorter than others. The dedication to for this chapter goes to the lovely Abe, who gave me the best secret ever for getting rid of writer's block. xD  
**

**DISCLAIMER: **Twilight, and anything assosciated with it, belongs to Stephenie Meyer; Star Wars belongs to George Lucas; Doc. Murdoch essentially belongs to Emma. I only own my imagination.

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**From: **EdwardMasen

**To: **CarlisleCullen; EsmeCullen; AliceBrandon; JasperWhitlock; RoseHale; Gizzabearhug

**Subject:** Letter #1

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_**Charlie's House,  
Forks,  
Washington State  
4th May 2009**_

Hello Edward.

It's odd, you know, seeing your name like that. Written down on the paper. It's funny, I think—I can't speak your name aloud, but I can write it. It doesn't hurt so much. I didn't think I'd ever reach this point, but I have, and it's nice. Maybe we should celebrate. How do you propose we do that?

I'm trying to decide, right now, whether this new acceptance is your fault, or whether it has nothing to do with either of us. Actually, it has everything to do with me, but… okay, I'm getting a little ahead of myself.

The date today is May 4th. It's not a particularly exciting day, and it's not in any way significant. Although, Charlie did make a pretty lame joke today about how today was Star Wars day. You know, **May the 4****th**** be with you**? I thought it was pretty terrible too, but I laughed anyway. I had to laugh, or I'd have cried.

March 19th? March 19th was significant. It's the day that I last fell.

Ha, I bet you're laughing now. Bella fell. Whoop-de-doo. It happens often enough. But this was kind of different. I got a nasty bruise, too. It was just in the kitchen, but I landed pretty nastily on the tiles. No blood, thank goodness, but a spectacular bruise. It really was something special. All yellow and purple, a little green around the edges, and it stretched all the way up my back. I was pretty pissed, actually—I'd been planning on going Cliff diving that day with Jake. I suppose you remember Jake? You always did hate him.

Thing is, though, the bruise didn't go away.

I bruise easily (you, of all people, know that), but this time it was different. It just stayed. Weeks, I think it was. Eventually, Charlie thought it'd be a good idea to get it checked, so I went to the hospital. (Say 'hi' to Carlisle for me, by the way. Tell him I missed having him check me out, instead of Doctor Murdoch. She was lovely, and all, but her hands were too warm. It was weird.)

I sat outside in the waiting room, flicking through magazines and wishing I was like you so that I could hold my breath. I don't know how people can visit hospitals, or spend extended amounts of time in them. The smell is pretty bad. Like old people and pee and death. Nasty.

I'd insisted on going alone. I made Charlie go into work, and Jacob didn't know yet. Renee was still obliviously happy in Florida with her Phil, and none of the people I used to hang around with in school knew.

I like to think that, if you'd been here, you or Alice would have come, but that's a moot point, I suppose, since you aren't.

Ugh, sorry. I didn't mean to write that. I'm not writing this to expel my bitterness - or to blame you - I'm writing it because you have the right to know, I think. Plus, I like to think that this letter is what people will remember me by.

Ah, there I go again with all the doom and gloom stuff. I'm trying not to do doom and gloom, because what's the point? It's a waste of time, as far as I'm concerned.

Where was I? Oh, yeah. The waiting room.

So Doctor Murdoch came out and called my name. Her face was grave. Maybe I knew then. Maybe I only knew when she told me, straight out. Maybe I still don't know.

She said, "Miss Swan? Would you please come with me?"

I followed through to her room, and sat down on one of those ridiculously uncomfortable chairs that hospitals seem to favour. (Could you speak to Carlisle about that, by the way? Maybe he could change them. I don't think it's very fair that when people are told they're going to die, they have to sit in a hard-backed wooden chair. Just a thought.)

I realise that I keep going off topic. Sorry. This is a hard one to write. I'm trying to make it easier, in my own way. Bear with me?

Um… Doctor Murdoch. Right. So she sat me down and removed her glasses with a sigh that sounded sad and pretty significant. Then, she looked me in the eyes and told me the news.

I have to admit, I was scared to death.

She used a lot of terms that I didn't really understand. But I understood the one that cropped up the most. Leukaemia. Or, more specifically, T-cell prolymphocytic leukaemia. Probably, you know what that means. I didn't.

It's rare, apparently. Very rare for someone my age, but it happens, obviously. She said that it explained the bruises, and it also might be connected to any times recently when I'd bled a lot. I told her a little about my birthday, and she agreed.

(Don't worry, I didn't tell her. Your secret is safe. And by the way, please tell Jasper that I'm sorry for bleeding so much all over the place. He can blame the cancer.)

Anyway, she told me that I needed to see a Specialist right away. Luckily for me, one was in the Hospital on a visit, so I didn't have to travel anyplace. That would have been an awkward one.

Doc. Murdoch took me down to see this Consultant, who was also pretty nice. (I think people are generally nicer to you when they hear you've got some life-threatening disease.) He explained the whole Chemotherapy thing, which I appreciated. Obviously, I'd need to talk about this with Charlie, but since I was a legal adult, I had the right to choose without telling him.

I had a lot to think about.

--

That was the 14th April, the day they told me. Today is May 4th. I told Charlie on April 30th, and Renee the day after. Renee was a hard one. She cried down the phone from Florida, and she told me she was coming. She arrives with Phil today. They've bought a house up here, to be close. I'm glad, and so is Charlie… and not even for selfish reasons. He wants me to be properly supported.

Speaking of Charlie, do you remember Seth's mom, Sue Clearwater? I'm pretty certain that she and Charlie have something going on. And that makes me really, really happy.

I haven't told Jacob, yet. I'll have to eventually, but I don't know how at the moment. I'll tell him. I promise.

For now, though, I have an appointment with Doctor Murdoch. And, though I now have copious amounts of free time since I'm not at school, I need to be doing something that won't break my heart. Again.

I'll write soon.

Love always,

Bella x


	3. 2: 10th May, 2009

**Quick update. You know you love me.**

**DISCLAIMER: Twilight belongs to Ms. Meyer; The theory of the five stages of grief belongs to Elisabeth Kubler-Ross; Punk'd belongs to MTV. I have nothing except my own imagination.**

* * *

**From: **EdwardMasen

**To: **CarlisleCullen; EsmeCullen; AliceBrandon; JasperWhitlock; RoseHale; Gizzabearhug

**Subject:** Letter #2

* * *

**Forks General Hospital,  
Forks,  
Washington State,  
10th May 2009**

Hello, Edward

I can't believe this. I don't believe this. It's ridiculous. People like me don't get terminal diseases. And here I am, dying of cancer. It's like some kind of freaking story. It's ridiculous. It's fiction. It's not true. Any moment now, Ashton Kutcher is going to come jumping out from behind a tree with a bunch of cameras, and I'm going to laugh and laugh and laugh. I'd know if I had a tumour inside me. It's my body. I would have known for years. Hell – Alice should have seen this coming. She would have, if she'd known.

Why is this happening to me!? This isn't fair. Is it my fault, because I fell in love with a vampire? Is this my method of punishment? Don't you think I've been punished enough?! This isn't just me, it's Charlie, too. It's Renee, and Phil, and it's even Jake. What did they do wrong?! Is this my fault? How could this happen to me? I don't understand... I can't understand. I NEED TO UNDERSTAND.

I just want a normal life. I want to graduate high school, finish College. I want to write, and I want to dream. I want to get married, and have kids of my own, and name them all after you. I'll do anything... I just want more time. I'd do anything for a few more years. But cancer doesn't wait, does it? Once it's got its claws into you, it won't let go, and it won't stop, or wait, for anything.

This is it, isn't it? It's the end. Oh, god. I'm never going to do any of that stuff. I might as well die right now. I might as well die today. I'm a condemned woman. Why does this have to be prolonged? Why can't it just end? Why bother with anything? When you left, I wanted the pain to end. I wanted it to stop. But I'm dealing with the pain now, slowly. Maybe this is me, having my wish granted, in the form of this sick joke. It's going to end. You won't have to bother about me, any more. I'll be dead. Gone. Forever. I'm going to die.

This really is it. Wow. Death.

Have you ever wondered about what comes next? I know it doesn't concern you, but have you ever thought about it? About the ramifications of passing on? About what's going happen to me when it happens? I can't fight this. What if I just... deal with it? Could I just get over it? That would be the mature thing to do. Maybe everything will be okay...

Listen, I have some serious thinking to do.

I'll write soon.

Love, always

Bella

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**I was given a suggestion in a review, which I've been mulling over. Should I include the Cullens' reactions to these letters? Drop me a review or PM me, and tell me what you think!**


	4. 3: 18th May, 2009

**Note: the experiences of Chemotherapy as described by Bella are based on accounts by a very close family member, so they are fairly accurate. However, this story isn't supposed to be a scientifically correct story; essentially, it deals with the emotional side of things. Okay? I'm not a nurse or a doctor - I'm still in high school.**

**DISCLAIMER: Anything remotely twilight-related belongs to Stephenie Meyer.

* * *

****From: **EdwardMasen

**To: **CarlisleCullen; EsmeCullen; AliceBrandon; JasperWhitlock; RoseHale; Gizzabearhug

**Subject:** Letter #3

* * *

**Forks,  
Washington State  
18th May 2009**

Hello Edward.

It's me again. Sorry to bother you. I thought you might like to know how my first Chemo went.

Okay, so you probably won't, but that's okay. I can tell you anyway.

It was horrible, Edward. My arm, where they injected the stuff, feels like it's been run over or something. It's odd, I get heat pulses all over my body, then I feel ridiculously cold thirty seconds later. It's awful.

I went to the hospital yesterday so they could give me the drugs. I had to hold my breath when they stuck in the needle. Ugh. Needles. Remember what you said in Phoenix? "A sadistic, bloodthirsty Vampire… sure, she goes running after him, no problem. An IV, on the other hand…"

I guess I'm going to have to get used to that, though.

Don't you think it's weird, that I remember every word you've ever said? I do… I can't understand it. You said my mind was like a sieve, that I'd forget things. But I haven't. I haven't forgotten a single moment.

And I definitely have not forgotten the single worst moment of my life so far: yes, Edward, you take that prize. Congratulations.

Didn't I say I wasn't going to be bitter? Sorry. Life's too short for bitterness. Not for you, I suppose… in fact, you just pretty much undermined that whole belief and saying. Oops. Thanks very much.

Life's still short for me, though. I've decided that there are better things that I could do with my remaining time than sit around and bug Charlie, so I've made a list. It's a list of things I plan to do with what remains of my life. If, indeed, any remains at all. They think six months, at the very most - and that's ambitious, apparently.

There are ten things on my list. Would you like to hear them?

_**1. Do something spontaneous and kind for someone, just because I can.**_**_  
2. Get a tattoo.  
3. Send a message in a bottle.  
4. See the northern lights._**_**  
5. Overcome my fear of music.**_**_  
6. Swim in the ocean at night._**_**  
7. Laugh until I cry.**__**  
8. Leave a $100 tip.**_**_  
9. Sleep under the stars.  
10. Die Happy._**

So, where to start? Some are easy. The ocean thing? Rain? Even sleeping under the stars shouldn't be too much of a problem. I don't know what Charlie's going to say about the tattoo, but I don't think it matters. He wants me to be happy. That's why this is killing him so much, I think.

That's what hurts the most. I hate that this affects people other than me. Charlie, Renee, Phil, Jake. It's not just me, it's them, too. We're in this together, whether we like it or not. I have to deal with this. If you were given six months to live, wouldn't you do whatever you could to make them the best of your life? Even if you were all alone?

I don't know. I can't imagine your response any more, it's too hard, and you've been gone for too long. Sometimes, I think so hard that I can't remember how your face looks. But at the same time, I remember everything exactly about you. The way you moved and talked, and looked. I remember that crooked smile, and the way I loved your topaz eyes so much. I remember exactly the pattern your skin made, when it was allowed to shine.

Maybe I can't imagine your response because it's not something you'll ever have to deal with. You'll never be condemned in quite the same way that I am, because you're immune to this crap that's going to kill me. You're lucky, in that respect - but then, I can't help but remember the fact that you died from a disease, like I'm going to. Was it like this for you? Were you given a certain amount of time, or was it sudden? Could you feel it inside of you, or did you have no idea? I know next to nothing about the Spanish Influenza. Maybe I should have asked you.

Come to think of it, I really know very little about your human life at all. We've never talked about it, have we? If we ever meet again, I'll ask you.

For now, though... I have a list to complete.

I'll write soon.

Love, always,

Bella

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**What do you think of my list? I know that it focuses a lot more on sentimentality, but with a six-month window and limited funds, I'm a little short on options. If Edward were there, maybe one of her things _would _be to travel the world dressed entirely in Gucci and Manolo Blahnik, in a private jet. Unfortunately, Edward's still M.I.A. Sorry. Drop me a review! I can alter the list if necessary.**


	5. 4: 14th June, 2009

**Sorry for the delay in updates. I've literally been at my friend's house for about 72 hours. Sorry. :)**

**Thanks for all of the reviews! I've taken them all into account, and I'll add in as many of the ideas as I can. However, the story is already completely written at this point, so it's unlikely that I'll make drastic changes. Some of the reviews really made me think, though...**

**DISCLAIMER: Anything even remotely twilight-related belongs to Stephenie Meyer. Not me.**

**

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**

**From: **EdwardMasen

**To: **CarlisleCullen; EsmeCullen; AliceBrandon; JasperWhitlock; RoseHale; Gizzabearhug

**Subject:** Letter #4

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**Charlie's House  
Forks,  
Washington State  
14****th**** June 2009**

Hello, Edward

Today is the day; I send my message in a bottle today, from the beach at La Push. Quite fitting, I think; it played a key part in what we once had.

You were in the letter. You and your family. I didn't mention your secret, of course, but the receiver of my message will learn how wonderful you all were, how kind and charming and loving, and how you all accepted me into the family so easily (With the possible exception of Rosalie.) The reader will also know about my condition, and about what will happen to me. I left no return address.

I sort of feel better. It's kind of cleansing, pouring your soul out, even to a piece of paper. It ended up being a really long letter, which is weird. But someone's going to be an expert on me, when they find this letter.

The bottle is sealed now, with some tribal wax lent to me by Jake, which was nice of him. He's still mad at me. No – not me, exactly. He's mad at what I have, at what I'm going through. He's mad because he can't fight this, and he can't do anything about this, like you could.

There. I said it. I still feel awful, though.

Jake went crazy, when I told him. Seriously. He went insane. He smashed up a couple of trees. I had to beg him to stop... and even now, he can't come to terms with it. He's just so...angry all the time.

On the plus side, they have stopped with the chemotherapy. It really sucks, and they say there's no point in doing it now, anyway. Actually, the truth is that I don't want the extra cost to fall onto Renee and Charlie, so I asked them to stop. They think that it will shorten my life expectancy, but I don't care. Chemo costs so much, and I see the strain in my parent's faces sometimes, when they think I'm not looking. This is costing them a lot, and I'm costing them more by staying alive. Don't tell them. They don't suspect anything, and if they do, then I'll know who to blame. You have been warned.

My hair has been going. I have none left, now. A vain, selfish part of my thinks that you would think less of me now, because I am ugly and bald, but the larger part of me hopes that you wouldn't mind, or care. I know Alice would, though undoubtedly she'd try to accessorise with a floaty headscarf, or something. I don't know about it. I won't wear a wig, though. Renee took me to a wig shop, but I hated it all. All that fakeness. It sickened me. I refused to even try one on, despite Renee's coaxing. I'd rather go bald.

Part of my wants to curl up in the foetal position and just die, but the other part – the bigger part – is forcing me to keep on fighting. You always said I was stubborn. I can be stubborn now, too, even with this in the pipeline.

My hair, they say, will grow back, because I'm not doing chemotherapy any more. Already, you can see this weird stubble. I don't like it, but I'm not shaving it off again.

So – _Send a Message In a Bottle._

Oh, last week Jake also took me to La Push at midnight, where we went swimming. The water was frigid, but I suppose that was to be expected. We spent the night on the beach, and I had this horrible cold the next morning... but it was worth it. I swear, you've never seen so many stars. They were spectacular, filling the whole sky. First Beach is pretty isolated, so the stars weren't dulled by city lights or anything... and for once, it was perfectly clear. The moon was huge, glowing white and hanging really low in the sky.

So, that's three down. Not bad, huh? Jake's taking me further north next month, into Canada. We're going to see the Northern Lights, he says.

I'm surprised he's letting me do this, but he's as into this list thing as I am. **Carpe diem**, he reckons. Seize the moment, I think. But if it gets my list finished, then I don't care. It's nice to have him along for the ride.

I don't know what I'll do, when my list is finished. Will that be the end, for me? Will I be able to just die, then? I hope so. I'll feel like I've achieved my purpose, and I'll be happy.

At the moment, I'm seeing everything through the clouded glasses of denial; I can admit that to myself. It's a haze. I'm just doing this list thing for the sake of it sometimes, not because I'm going to die in five months. Sometimes, I almost forget that there's this thing inside of me that's killing me. Almost.

I can never really forget. The pain takes care of that.

Ah, I've said too much. Ignore that, please.

I'll write soon.

Love always,

Bella.

* * *

_Footnote – _

_After reading this particular letter, I put my research on hold to track down this letter in a bottle. It took me nearly a year, but eventually I found it – washed up on the coast of the Japanese North Island. It was battered, but the letter was whole and dry. I could not bring myself to smash the bottle, so it remains sealed and whole. I won't open it; it feels like it's too much of a private thing._

_The bottle stands on my desk in the scientific lab that I have created for my research, in the old house in the Scottish Highlands that I have been living in. It is one of the few things I keep to remind me of Bella. I also have an old, battered photograph - a copy of the one of the two of us that she took on her birthday all those years ago. The photograph is framed, and hangs on my wall. These things have stood there for fifty-four years. They remain untouched. I ask that you leave them there._

_Thank you,  
_

_Edward

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**Too much? Hit or miss? Tell me what you think!**_  
_


	6. 5: 20th June, 2009

**So, I meant to mention this before, but I'm going away for about ten days tomorrow. And we're not going to have any internet. I think that over the course of today, I'll probably put up this chapter and the next, but after that you'll have to wait until the 21st or so. **

**Also, for any Maximum Ride fans: I just finished reading the first book, and thought it was brilliant. Consequently, I've been feeling rather inspired as of late, and so there might be a few MR one-shots by the time I get back.** **Watch this space!**

* * *

**From: **EdwardMasen

**To: **CarlisleCullen; EsmeCullen; AliceBrandon; JasperWhitlock; RoseHale; Gizzabearhug

**Subject:** Letter #5

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**Charlie's House  
Forks,  
Washington State  
20****th**** June 2009**

Hello, Edward

Happy birthday! Did you think I'd forget? Hardly likely. Today is your 108th birthday. Make a wish! (It's a good job you've got vamp lungs, because that's a lot of candles you're going to have to blow out... have fun!)

I hope you're with your family. There's this nasty, small part of me that hopes you're moping and alone, somewhere in the middle of nowhere. But it is small, I promise.

I hope you've got Alice throwing you some crazy party, and Jasper (hopefully not attacking you) trying to keep her under control. I hope Rosalie's dressed up like the supermodel she should be, and I hope Emmett's cracking stupid jokes. I hope Em and Jazz take you out hunting tonight, and I hope you get a few nice big mountain lions for me. I hope Esme and Carlisle are smiling on proudly, because they should be proud. They've done an incredible job.

Enclosed in this letter is a note for each member of your family. It's what I might have said, had I been given the chance to say goodbye. There's nothing that bad – read them, if you wish. But make sure that they get them, because they need to know that I love them as much as I still love you.

I'll write soon.

Love always,

Bella

* * *

Carlisle,

It seems fitting to write this first note to you. Don't ask me why, I don't understand it, either. I hope you and Esme are happy, and that you're still doing as well as ever. How is the new job? It must be quieter – you aren't burdened with Forks' resident klutz. Lucky you.

I miss you, more than you know. I've always spent a lot of time in hospitals, but recently it seems like I've been practically living there. It's weird without you there. It just doesn't seem right.

Keep doing whatever it is you've been doing for your children for the last century. Whatever it is, you've done an amazing job. You should be proud. Thank you for everything.

Love, Bella

* * *

Esme,

Oh, I don't know what to write... maybe I should start by telling you how much I miss you, and the way you were always there for me. You were the mother that I never really had in Renee, and a wonderful friend, too. Ever since the moment I first met you, I have respected and trusted you beyond anything else, and I always secretly hoped that if I ever had kids, I'd be half as good a mother as you. Even that would be an accomplishment.

I love you, Esme, like my mother. I miss you terribly.

Love, Bella

* * *

Emmett,

Hey, I've got a good one for you. What do you get if you cross Jesse James and Emmett Cullen?  
_A robbery at the blood bank._

Ha! Sorry, that was pretty terrible. I pretty much made that up on the spot. Sorry.

How are you? I hope you're okay, you and Rose, and everyone else. I hope you know that this doesn't change anything – I'm still a billion times better at human-speed Guitar Hero than you. Unfortunately for me, the vampire-speed title remains yours.

I miss you. Weird, but true. I miss you, because in the time I knew you, you became an invaluable big brother to me. I know I'm just a stupid, weak little human, but admit it – I give you a run for your money on the Xbox and PS3. You know I do.

Miss you, Em.

Love, Bella.

P.S – Could you do me a favour? Take Edward out tonight for a big hunt. Make sure he gets his lions. Get some bears, too, if you can! (I bet you $100 you can't...)

* * *

Rosalie,

I know we've had our differences, and I'll always be sorry for imposing on your secret world like I did. You should know that your secret is still that – a deadly secret. I would never tell anyone. I'll take it to my grave, I promise you.

I wish I could have had more of an opportunity to get to know you, and maybe, one day, become your friend. I understand that, had you been in my position, our choices would have been different. But, I loved Edward – no, I _love_ him. You have to understand that.

And, you should know, you're still the most beautiful person I've ever met. Really. I miss you, too.

Love, Bella

* * *

Jasper,

I'm sorry. If I could say it a thousand, a million times, I would. I'm so sorry. I'm sorry that I'm such a temptation to you, and that I caused you pain when I was nearby. I'm sorry for nearly ruining your diet, it was very wrong of me.

Had I known then that it was the cancer that made me bleed like that; I don't know how I would have reacted. In a strange, bizarre way, I'm glad that you left when you did. You leaving helped me mature, and grow up – and it equipped me to deal with this. So I must thank you, too.

I wish I could have been less of a temptation, and more of a sister. You'll always be a brother to me. Not a monster, though. Never a monster. You and Alice are perfect for one another, and I love you both.

Love, Bella

* * *

Alice,

What can I say? I miss you, you crazy pixie! I miss those bizarre shopping trips, and the endless makeovers... but there's more than that. I miss my sister. I miss my best friend.

I was kind of hoping that one day, we really would be sisters, but I've realised recently that it's not blood or marriage that makes you a sister, its experiences. It's the way we've come together through so many things. The way you were willing to die for me, and I for you.

If that doesn't make you my sister, Ali, then I don't know what does.

Keep being happy. Keep being crazy, and weird, and keep standing out. You're exactly perfect the way you are. I love you. I miss you.

Love, Bella

* * *

**I wrote Bella's letters to the family a couple of months ago, and they fitted nicely into this chapter. Too cliche? Too repetitive? Should I write the responses? You tell me!**


	7. 6: 1st December, 2064

**The answers to Bella's letters, in response to reviews. Hope I didn't mess this up too much...****From:**CarlisleCullen

* * *

**To:**EdwardMasen

**Subject:** RE: Letter #5

* * *

Edward,

Bella will never get these – and you might not, either, but the family have each written a response to the note accompanying the last letter. I request that these are kept private, and Alice has requested that you give us the details of where Bella lies. We wish to pay our respects as a family.

I hope you are coping, my son. Please know that our hearts and thoughts are with you always, and that we miss you.

Carlisle.

* * *

Dear Bella,

Esme and I are as happy as we can be but, of course, we would be happier if you were with us. Esme misses you dearly, as do all of the family. I am glad that we were able to make those few months on earth happy for you, but I am sorry that we were not there until the end. I feel as though we have let you down, daughter, and for that I can only belatedly apologise.

We have missed you ever since we last saw you, and I am so sorry for not being there for you during this. No-one should have to go through this without family, and it hurts me to think of you there in the hospital, with only Charlie, when you should have been surrounded by us as well.

We are both so sorry that you never got the chance to have children, like you mentioned – _I am flattered by that compliment, Bella, but I know that if you had ever had children, yours would have been the happiest on would have been the best mother ever._

Thank you. For making our family - especially our son - happy. Please know that you remain, to this day, as a daughter to us – one that was taken cruelly from the whole family.

Rest in peace, Isabella

Carlisle and Esme

* * *

Bella,

Oh, Bells. I'm afraid that your jokes haven't improved since the last time I saw you, little sister. That said, I did like the personalised effect. Nice.

Rose and I are great. We just got back from our seventh honeymoon. We went to Isle Esme, like Rose wanted. Actually, did Edward ever tell you about Isle Esme? It was a present from Carlisle to Esme. It's this tiny little island in the Southern Atlantic. Neat, huh?

You will never beat me at Guitar Hero, or the PS3, or the Xbox, for that matter. You are a mere human, and I am EMMETT THE GREAT.

Miss you too, Bells. You'll never be a stupid or puny human. I promise.

Emmett

* * *

Bella,

You never imposed. Honestly? That's what Edward told you, because he's a better person than me. I want to get this off my chest – though I know you'll never read this. I was jealous. So jealous. You had everything I wanted... you could do anything you wanted. Get married. Have children. Grow old together, and watch your grandchildren grow up. Even die together. I would sacrifice anything for that chance – my looks, my speed, my money.

That is not to say I am unhappy – I am happy. I have my Emmett. But sometimes, I wonder what life would have been like if I'd never become a Vampire. What would have happened if I had married a human? Would I have been happier?

At the time, Bella, I was jealous because you seemed to be making all of the wrong decisions – the ones I would never choose. But in retrospect, I can finally begin to understand why you made the choices you did.

Maybe, in time, we would have become friends. I'm sorry we didn't stick around long enough to reach that point. If I could go back and change the way that I behaved around you, or the way that we behaved, I would in an instant.

What is beauty, Bella? Is it physical, or is it deeper than that? Because, by anyone's definition, you surpass me in all areas. I understand that you love Edward. And you two were wonderful together.

I beg your forgiveness, Bella, for behaving so inappropriately. I hope that, wherever you are, you are happy; you deserve happiness.

Rosalie Hale

* * *

Bella,

How should I start? I am sorry for constantly wanting to attack you, since the moment I met you. I am sorry for attacking you on that fateful night, so many years ago. I'm sorry for forcing Edward into something he would never have otherwise even considered. I am sorry for not being the brother I should have been, and for never being there for you.

You may deny it all you like, but in the end, it was my weakness that brought all of this upon you. You should not have had to deal with this, on top of everything else.

I don't know if you know this, but I once had a sister - a human sister. Her name was Jane, and she was wonderful. When she was sixteen years old, not long before I signed up to join the military, she was diagnosed with breast cancer. She went in to have an early form of surgery, but the technology of then was primitive, and hygiene was simply not a consideration. She died during the operation.

Like you, she was too young to die. She was taken by a similar disease, and she held the same place in my heart as you have, more recently.

I loved her very much, and it nearly killed me when she died. But I've never forgotten her. Every year, I make the journey for her birthday to the place where she is buried, near the old town where I was born, under a willow tree in the graveyard.

The point of this is, Bella, that you will never be forgotten either. I have lost a sister in you, just as I once lost Jane. I will miss you for eternity, Bella. Rest in peace.

Jasper

* * *

Bells,

I feel terrible, Bella. I feel absolutely awful that I didn't see this coming. I should have seen it - in someone so close to me, particularly, I should have seen this months ago. I hate Edward, sometimes - I hate him for making us move. We could have saved you, Bella... I'm so sorry. I feel so responsible.

I miss you so much, too. I don't know how I've survived all these years without you to hold my hand, and be my best friend and sister again. And I don't even need to say it, but I will anyway - from the moment I first saw you in my mind, you were my sister - our bond has only become stronger for what we have been through. And you should know that I would gladly have given my life for you. Always.

Love you. Miss you. I'll visit your grave as soon as is humanly possible.

Alice.

* * *

**Hit? Miss? Tell me what you think. This has all been written tonight, so if it's a little rushed, I can re-write. See you on the 21st! By the way, it's true that cancer has been around forever. The earliest records of the disease are in the times of Ancient Greece - and the surgery thing is true, too. The renowned Scottish surgeon Alexander Monro saw only 2 breast tumor patients out of 60 surviving surgery for two years, between 1871 and 1874. Scary, huh? Makes you realise how lucky we are now.**

**Aimee - Sorry. I'll do that now. :S**


	8. 7: 4th July, 2009

**I have found myself some internet, here in the middle of nowhere! It is a happy day! Don't expect this to be a common occurrence, by the way. Even this is only for a limited time. I'll try and post again as soon as I can. :D  
Wow, by the way... the response for that last chapter wasn't anything like I was expecting. Thank you!! I'm glad you enjoyed it, even though it was rushed, in my opinion...  


* * *

**

**From: **EdwardMasen

**To: **CarlisleCullen; EsmeCullen; AliceBrandon; JasperWhitlock; RoseHale; Gizzabearhug

**Subject:** Letter #6

* * *

**Yellowknife,  
Northwest Territories,  
Canada  
4****th**** July 2009**

Hello, Edward

Happy fourth! You know, its weird being in Canada today. They don't really celebrate it as much, here. But then, it is _American_ Independence Day.

So, Jake made good on his promise about bringing me here to see the Northern Lights. In truth, we didn't need to come so far, but Jake wanted to bring me here anyway. It's not too bad, here. I was kind of expecting freezing temperatures, snow and ice. But actually, it's been pretty warm some days. Last night, we went out of town, into the middle of nowhere away from civilisation. Jake took me on his back and ran, and it was exhilarating – though he has nothing on you, don't worry.

So we were sat outside, his arms tightly around me because it tends to get pretty nippy at night up here. Also, my immune system isn't what it once was. But, anyway. Then it began.

And oh, god, it was beautiful.

I've never seen anything like it. The colours, stretching so far out against the black sky were incredible. I guess that in your hundred years, you've definitely seen it, so I don't think I have to describe it to you, but... wow. Just, wow. I was utterly speechless, in awe of the sky above me.

It made me think, actually. How does it happen? Magic? Once upon a time, I might have scoffed. But then I met you, and my whole perceptions of real and myth were catapulted out of the window, so I have very little to work with here.

You believe in a God... or you used to, anyway. I want to know. What's the draw? Is it this eternal life in heaven thing? If it is, I'll go for that. I've never understood religion, not really, but maybe you could explain it to me. I don't understand. Why do people choose to believe in something that there's no proof of? How can people trust so wholly, so unconditionally? Some people go their whole life knowing nothing of him, while others live for him.

There has to be something out there, because what I saw last night, that wasn't science. It's not something that can be explained away by equations, or the way that certain gases react against light.

That was inconceivable, undeniable, beautiful. It was magical. Kind of like you.

I'll write soon.

Love always,

Bella.


	9. 8: 1st August, 2009

**My daily five minutes of internet! Aren't you all glad I saved all the documents on to ff? You should be... :)**

**Ta for all the reviews by the way! You should know that they make me crazy-happy. But you probably did know that by now...**

* * *

**From: **EdwardMasen

**To: **CarlisleCullen; EsmeCullen; AliceBrandon; JasperWhitlock; RoseHale; Gizzabearhug

**Subject:** Letter #7

* * *

**Seattle,  
Washington State,  
1****st**** August 2009**

Hello, Edward

So, we only just got back from Canada the other day. We stayed for a long time; I didn't want to leave. But we had to, eventually - we had to get back to real life. While we were there, though, Jake did something I never expected – he proposed to me.

Oops. Sorry for launching that on you, like that. But he did. I think it was more out of guilt than anything else. Like so many other people, all he seems to want to do is keep me happy. I hate that; they all feel like they have to please me, because I'm going to die in a few months. In truth, all I want is for them to treat me the same as they always have, but if this makes them happy...

I said no to Jake. I couldn't let him go through with it – it wouldn't be fair to him to marry a dead woman, which is essentially what I am. In other circumstances, I might have thought more carefully about it. But my answer was easy. I could never tie him down that way. And, when I told him no, he looked kind of relieved. That hurt, I think, but I suppose it is fair.

Today, we're in Seattle. He's brought me to a tattoo parlour run by a friend of his, who's going to do the thing cheap. Don't worry, it's perfectly clean here, and I'm not going to catch anything funny from the needle.

It took me ages to decide what I wanted, and where I wanted it. I didn't want anything too obvious, and it had to be somewhere that I could hide it, if I wanted to. So, the stars right across my face were out.

In the end, I got a tiny little gold butterfly on the back of my left shoulder. Don't worry, it's in good taste. It's pretty, and even Jake approves. It hurt quite a bit, but the needle didn't particularly bother me. I'm kind of used to it now, because of the whole chemo thing.

Don't hate me. I think that if you were here, you'd have shouted and probably smashed some of Esme's expensive furniture. Or maybe you wouldn't care. I have no way of knowing.

Oh- today I also did my kind thing. We were on the Canada toll road, and we passed a pay station. The queues were pretty big, and it took us half an hour to get to the booth. The car behind us was loud, too. They had a lot of kids, and from the looks of it, the single mom seemed to be having difficulty finding enough loose change to pay the toll. The kids were screaming, and it looked like chaos.

So, when I handed over the money, I put twice what I was supposed to pay into the machine. When the guy behind the glass looked confused, I told him it was for the car behind. His face cleared instantly, and I swear the grin he gave me lit up the inside of the car. He nodded, and told me that he'd tell the family. He also waved, as we drove off.

I couldn't really see the faces of the people behind, but I swear to god they looked gobsmacked. And then we pulled away around the corner, and I couldn't see any more.

Okay, so it wasn't much. But I'd like to think that I helped them, the only way I could. Does that count? It was spontaneous... and I did it, just because I could.

So, that's six that I've crossed off. Six out of ten. What have I got left? I have to dance in the rain, leave a $100 tip, laugh until I cry and die happy. Some of those are going to be more difficult than others.

I'll write soon.

Love always,

Bella

* * *

**Hmm, the good deed thing was hard. Did I manage it? Tell me what you think!**


	10. 9: 13th September, 2009

**Hey guys, is a really short one. It is important, though, so please don't disregard it. Ta!  
**

**Sorry about the lack of update yesterday, by the way. I was cliff climbing, and oo exhausted to log in when I got back. Ah well... Enjoy!**

* * *

**From: **EdwardMasen

**To: **CarlisleCullen; EsmeCullen; AliceBrandon; JasperWhitlock; RoseHale; Gizzabearhug

**Subject:** Letter #8

* * *

**Forks General Hospital  
Forks,  
Washington State,  
13****th**** September 2009**

Hello, Edward

Wow. 19.

I can't believe a year went by so fast. How time flies.

A year without you. Though this year has been incredibly quick, in some ways, it's also been painfully slow. I've had to grow up so much in the last year without you. I've had to deal with so much pain, and so much suffering. I've had to come to terms with things that no-one my age should have to come to terms with. I hate you for not being here, Edward. Sometimes, I wake up in the morning and I think it might all be a dream. Sometimes I wonder if you ever even existed. Sometimes I wonder if this cancer thing is real, or not... and then I see my reflection, with my ugly cropped hair and thin face, and I remember.

You should have been here for me. I can't help but blame you. This wasn't Jasper's fault, it never was. It was always yours. It's your fault now that I have no-one, now. Because when you left, it wasn't just you – though that would have been enough. It was a whole future that I'd imagined. It was parents, in Esme and Carlisle. It was brothers in Emmett and Jasper. It was a sister in Rosalie. It was a very best friend and sister in Alice. You took that from me. I don't know if I can ever forgive you for that.

My only chance of survival now is you. My hope is in you. A part of me still hopes that you'll come back, and you'll save me. But you don't want me. I don't know if you ever did.

And yet, I should still tell you... I love you. Always.

I'll write soon.

Love always,

Bella


	11. 10: 30th October, 2009

**Hey. Sorry about that - I've been really kinda ill. Poor me. But I'm still alive, so here's the update! **

**It mentions somewhere that Bella has a sort of fear of music after Edward leaves. I wanted her to overcome it, basically. So here goes!**

* * *

**From: **EdwardMasen

**To: **CarlisleCullen; EsmeCullen; AliceBrandon; JasperWhitlock; RoseHale; Gizzabearhug

**Subject:** Letter #9

* * *

**Jake's House,  
La Push  
Washington State,  
30****th**** October 2009**

Hello, Edward

I should apologise for my last letter. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have gone crazy like that. I guess it just finally hit me, and I finally began to come to terms with what you did. Sorry.

I had another crack at the final four things on my list today, with Jake. He took me out into the forest, like he was waiting for something. I wasn't convinced, but he swore it would rain. And, of course, it did.

Honestly, that boy could give Alice a run for her money. (No offense...)

He had this boom box with him, and he'd set it under a tree, in a relatively dry bit. When it started to rain, he pressed the play button, and our song came on.

I'd like to be able to say that I smiled, because I'm so much over you by now that it doesn't matter to me, any more.

In reality? My knees nearly gave out. My head began to spin, and I felt nauseous, like I felt after the first journey back from our meadow, travelling at supernatural speed. And the pain, of course, was unlike anything I'd felt in a while. It pierced violently through the badly-repaired hole, forcing it open again. If the tumour doesn't kill me, maybe Clair de Lune will. That's what Debussy still does to me. And there was no Vampire there to catch me... there was just Jake. He caught me, and held me upright for a long time until I stopped my uncontrollable sobbing.

It eventually faded to silence, long after the music had. We were completely soaked together, but of course he was still remarkably warm, so I'll be okay. It kept raining. Typical Forks.

This is a huge improvement for me... you don't know how hard it's been for me, without music. Every song, every lyric of any song, I can somehow connect back to you unconsciously. It's crazy. It's bizarre. I don't understand it. And it hurts a hell of a lot.

But I'm taking steps to get over this. At least I'm trying, and I'm not running away.

I'll write soon.

Love always,

Bella

* * *

**Love? Hate? Review!**


	12. 11: 10th November, 2009

**So the general consensus seems to be that people liked the Cullens' replies, and that I should do more of those. At the moment, it looks like there's only going to be one more reply. Sorry about that - it's just the way it works out. In other news, I'm back in rainy Scotland, where they have proper water (Does anyone else hate English water?). I have a tonne of ideas, because for some strange reason my mind seems to work best when I'm stuck in the car for eight hours. Yeah, it confuses me, too. Watch this space!  
**

**Dedication: Emma, who just lent me the next Maximum Ride book. I LOVE YOU!!**

**So, 100 reviews would be nice. Am I hinting? Duh. Am I completely shameless? Quite possibly. You know you love it. xD  
**

* * *

**From: **EdwardMasen

**To: **CarlisleCullen; EsmeCullen; AliceBrandon; JasperWhitlock; RoseHale; Gizzabearhug

**Subject:** Letter #10

* * *

**La Bella Italia,  
Port Angeles,  
Washington State,  
10th November 2009**

Hello, Edward

So, you might be wondering what I'm doing here, exactly. I'm here on my own. This particular memory is one that I have to face alone. It's one of my most vivid, possibly because of the adrenaline I was feeling at the time of the incident. The night in Port Angeles, remember? Mushroom Ravioli?

Okay, of course you remember. What am I thinking? It's impossible to forget that you're ever anything less than perfect. Sorry, that seems to be a bad habit. Somehow, it's possible. It's probably the distance.

A bunch of fully-grown angels – wings and all – would be less conspicuous than you Cullens. It's ridiculous.

Anyway – Port Angeles. The night I was nearly raped, and you came screeching in to my rescue... and then you took me out here, sort of like our first real date. Sad, but true. I remember that night, you were so...angry. I was scared of you, in a way, but at the same time I was so grateful, I could have kissed you. Ha! I wonder how you would have reacted if I had. You would probably have freaked out, right there in the middle of the restaurant.

I feel like I still owe you my life, after that. Somehow, I'm going to have to find some way to repay you, and I can't think how.

Sometimes, it hurts to think. I feel like it would be easier just to fall asleep and not bother to wake up again. Every morning, it's a struggle, and I'm more and more tired every day. It's getting so that I'm out of breath just _walking. _I hate this.

People don't ever treat me the same, any more. They take one look at my short hair and frail body and movements, and in their minds I'm not a human being, I'm this invalid. They don't see past the hollowed cheeks and visible ribs.

I don't go to school any more, and it's a good job – I'm sure I'd be the focus of mass attention, which would be my ideal situation, of course...

My time's up though, Edward. They gave me six months on the 4th May, and now it's the 10th November. I was supposed to die six days ago. I feel like I'm living on borrowed time... but at the same time, I _have _to keep living, so I can finish what I've started. I will not go quietly any more, unless I'm fully ready... which brings me back to my purpose at this tiny little table for one in La Bella Italia.

There's a plate of mushroom ravioli in front of me. I've let it get cold; I can't bear to touch it. With great effort, I call over the waitress and ask for the bill. She looks pitying, but hands it over anyway, glancing down once at the full plate of food and untouched cutlery, before turning to leave.

The meal costs just $10, but that's not what I plan to leave. Number eight, remember? _Leave a $100 tip._

So I do, and I leave quietly, without trying to draw any more attention to myself. I reach my jeep and climb in; resting my head against the old, battered steering wheel as my tears begin to fall.

It's an odd thing; I feel happy about what I've done, but at the same time I'm downright miserable. I haven't been back there since the time you took me, and what hurts most of all is that it's exactly the same – from the interior decoration to the menu. It seems like everything in my world has come crashing down, and yet it's exactly the same. I feel cheated. Why isn't the world grieving, because you're not here and I could die tomorrow? It's not right. It's not.

I'll write soon.

Lov—

* * *

**I can spell, by the way - _of course_ that was done on purpose. Shameless cliffhangers? Hells yeah. Review!**


	13. 12: 18th November, 2009

**Hahaha!! Okay, so that was pretty much the funniest thing ever. Really! The response amused me greatly. Sorry, that was mean. But ****if Bella had died, how would Edward have gotten the letter? **

**That was necessary, though - I needed to show that actually, Bella's health is rapidly deteriorating. Her death is a very real thing, and it's not going to go away. At the risk of sounding cliche, her time is running out.**

**This is a short chapter, by the way. Sorry. :/**

**

* * *

****From: **EdwardMasen

**To: **CarlisleCullen; EsmeCullen; AliceBrandon; JasperWhitlock; RoseHale; Gizzabearhug

**Subject:** Letter #11 - The last letter

* * *

**Forks General Hospital  
Forks,  
Washington State,  
18****th**** November 2009**

Hello, Edward

Okay, so I need to apologise. I'm sorry for the ending of my last letter. I don't remember it, but apparently I collapsed against the wheel in my car. Apparently, I was lucky that I was found when I was, or I'd have died then and there. I shudder at that thought.

There's something about the thought of dying right now that makes me shudder. I'm not done yet. I have to be ready, and I won't be ready until I've completed the last thing on my list, to laugh until I cry. I can't die happy until I've done that. And yet, nothing seems funny anymore. I can't understand it. I can't bear it. I'm surrounded by faces that tell me what I already know. I'm lucky. My luck isn't going to last. You know, I'm 14 days past my deadline, now. That's not bad. They told me six months, and I told them to shove it.

Charlie wants to stay with me at the hospital, but I won't let him. They've moved me here permanently, to keep an eye on me. Renee rarely leaves. What I wouldn't give, though, to be curled up in my own bed, instead of here, attached to all of these machines and wires.

I should probably mention Angela Weber. She came to see me today, but she only stayed for ten minutes. She had an excuse – she told me she needed to go look after her brothers – but I couldn't help but think that there was more to it than that.

I know what it is.

I look so different, so foreign here. I'm dressed in an ill-fitting hospital gown, hooked up to all these machines. My hair is still painfully short, although it is growing, admittedly. I'm pale, and too thin, and I look like some kind of ghost.

If I saw my friend like that, I'd run, too. I'd be scared. I wouldn't be able to cope, either. I'm not that strong. I don't blame her.

I'd like to think you wouldn't run. I'd like to think you'd be stronger than me. I'd like to think that you'd be able to sit there, and still tell me that I was the most beautiful girl in the world. I never minded that lie, strangely enough. What I wouldn't give to hear it now.

If you were still about, I'd ask you what I'm supposed to do, now. I just get a bit scared every now and then.

I miss you. But I've got nothing to remind me of you.

I'll write soon.

Love always,

Bella

* * *

_This was the last letter I received from Charlie. The last one he gave me, before he slammed the door, shutting me out of the rest of his life. I can only guess that Bella wrote no more letters before her death, nine days after the date on this letter. I am sorry that she never finished her list, but I cannot finish it for her, as I might otherwise have done. There was only one thing on my list, and it has been done, now. I have completed mine, and now I go willingly to die at the hands of the Volturi. Please, do not try and stop me.  
_

_You have to know that I loved Bella, I loved her until the end, as I still love her today. It was for her own good that I left, although in the end it did no good whatsoever. Retrospect is a painful thing, is it not? _

_I have done what I set out to do, you cannot deny me that. I am sorry for being so distant, so dark these past years, but it has been impossible to be anything else. No offence, but you have no idea of what I went through - of what I still go through, every day that passes. I have made my peace, now... Please, let me be.  
_

_I love you all. You know that._

_-Edward. 19/12/2064

* * *

_

**See that one coming? Yeah, I thought not. Was that too sudden, too cliche? Do I fail at life? Tell me your thoughts! Review!**


	14. 13: 27th November, 2009

**So, a lot of you thought that the previous chapter was the final one. Although I can see why that would be a natural conclusion, you were wrong - sorry. This is the last one. There were always going to be twelve letters, because I happen to like symmetry.**

**Props to twilightbookaddict and Bee Lovely, who both refused to accept the previous chapter as the final one. Also, Orphan Ashley - are you serious!? Thank you!  
**

**Thank you so much for all of the reviews, favourites and alerts. They keep me motivated. When I wrote this, last November****, it was a mere character exercise, mostly for my own purposes**** - never a big thing, like this has become. ****I was only persuaded to post it because of my wonderful friend, who isn't on ff, and requested not to be named. I know you're reading this, though - thank you so much, hon.**

**This is my approximation of a happy ending - as happy as it was ever going to get. In my defense, I made it very clear from the start that this wasn't a happy story. **

**

* * *

**

**From: **CarlisleCullen

**To: **EdwardMasen

**Subject:** RE: Letter #11 - The last letter

* * *

Oh, my son -

We are so sorry for your loss, Edward. Thank you for finally telling us about the circumstances surrounding Bella's untimely death. In truth, we were already aware of the nature of Bella's death, as, in fact, we were there.

Alice finally saw Bella's death. For some reason, she didn't get anything about her until just a day or two beforehand. I am sorry that we kept you in the dark, Edward, but we felt as though it would be unfair to you. I am so sorry for keeping this from you, son, but I knew you needed to come to terms with it, too. And now is the time to give you this, the last letter, which was written on the day of Bella's death. Charlie already had all of the others, and Bella gave me this one for safekeeping, until I could deliver it to you.

We offered to change her, Edward. She refused, for reasons that I do not understand, but would never challenge. I would never inflict this upon someone against their will - you know that. I am sorry.

We pay our respects to her every year. Her grave is in Forks, in the site that was once a meadow - your meadow. Bella requested that she be buried there, and I purchased the land after she died. It remains undisturbed. Jasper goes the most often - he still feels responsible, you know, and of course he has been in this situation before, with his human sister.

She will never be forgotten, Edward. Just the same as we will always remember you, and what you did for our family, and for the rest of the world in your remarkable research. Thank you.

Go in peace, my son, and know that we all love you.

Carlisle.

* * *

**Forks General Hospital  
Forks,  
Washington State,  
27****th**** November 2009**

Hello, Edward

You'll never guess who came, today. No really, you'd probably never guess.

Your family. They walked in through the door this morning, and I honestly thought I had already died for about ten minutes afterwards. It took them ages to convince me otherwise. All of them were there. Carlisle, Esme, Alice, Jasper, Emmett... even Rosalie came. It turns out that Alice finally saw, and she came as soon as she could. Apparently, she's tried to contact you, but she's never gotten through.

They love you, Edward. They love you so much. And when they saw me like this, Carlisle offered to change me right then and there, to keep me alive for you.

I said no, though.

Thing is, Edward, I was doing this for you. The only reason I wanted immortal life was because I wanted to be with you forever. And an eternity without you would be hell, Edward. So I told Carlisle no. And I'm not going to get you back. I know that now. This hope that has lived in my heart for more than a year now has finally died. I tried to explain it to them, but they didn't look convinced.

Rosalie looked the most shocked of all, I think. She asked to speak to me alone, and we discussed the situation. She, of all people, was trying to convince me to change my mind. For once, she wanted me to be changed. But I explained it to her, and in the end we agreed. I needed to die, because living hurts too much. But before we were re-joined by the others, Rose wrapped her arms tightly around me in a cold embrace that I never thought I'd feel again. We made our peace, at long last, and that made me happy.

And Emmett did me a favour, too. He finished my list for me. He made me laugh until I cried, real tears. It's the first time I've laughed so hard since you left, and it made me remember just how much I love your brother.

Please don't let them go, Edward. Please don't ever let them go. They love you so much, and they miss you as much as I do.

I cried when Alice hugged me, but they were real, sad tears. We just lay there on my hospital bed. She held me close, and stroked my shorn head, and she didn't even complain. She sobbed too, and I suddenly wondered how I'd managed without my wonderful, beautiful best friend and sister. We cried together for a long time.

Esme, too, was another tough person to say goodbye too. She gave me one of her wonderful, warm hugs, and I realised I'd missed her terribly, as well.

Jasper was the hardest to face. We both tried to apologise a hundred times, feeling equally guilty. I suppose we'll never come to a conclusion about who was to blame, but I'll always know that it was me, just as he'll always think it was him.

It wasn't you, Edward. Ignore what I said in that other letter, it wasn't true. Ignore what I said. I love you, Edward. I always have, and I will until the end. I'm going to keep holding on to the fact that you once loved me, too. I'm going to keep repeating it to myself, right until the end. You can say that you don't want me all you like but I'll always want you, Edward. You're all and everything I'll ever want.

I love you, Edward. I love you. I love you. I love you.

The pain overwhelms again, and I can see Jasper's grimace. He has to leave the room. I immediately feel this horrible guilt. That was my fault.

Renee and Charlie and Phil and Jake enter, and though they're surprised to see the Cullens, they don't question their sudden appearance. I see Charlie glance surreptitiously around the room, looking for you, and looking satisfied when you weren't here. Jake looks angry for a split second, but then he relaxes. He can deal with them, as long as you're not here.

I wish you were. But your family is, and that will have to be enough for me.

Your family and mine have granted me the thing I wanted most, Edward. They've given me what I needed, the thing that completes me and my list. They've made me happy after a time when I never thought I'd be happy again.

I love you, Edward. And with that knowledge safe in your mind, I will sign off this, the last letter. I'll always want you, Edward. I'll always love you. Remember that.

I've already given Charlie the other eleven letters. I'll give this one to Carlisle, because I know I can trust him beyond anything. If you ever come back, I'll make sure that both of them give these letters to you. Maybe you won't. But if you do, they'll be waiting for you.

And I'll be waiting for you in heaven.

Your Bella

* * *

**So, that's the end. The last letter - for real, this time. Thank you, again. I love you all!**


End file.
